32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
