Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
