My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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