We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
