when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
