They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
My penis needs a shock collar
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
