just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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