Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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