I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Randomize