i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
