he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
