I hate your face
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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