I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
