I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I need to calm my uterus...
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
