There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
