so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
