True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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