Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I can't trust your balls anymore.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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