We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
