I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Randomize
