you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
