Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
