I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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