I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
