Please don't use social media to get back at me.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
