I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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