we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
