who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
