I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Randomize
