People with herpes should wear stickers.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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