My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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