Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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