Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
