Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
