would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
