I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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