She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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