Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
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Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
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These people don't understand my stages of drunk
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
It all started with a game of naked twister.
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