sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
