No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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