Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
