I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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