Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Randomize
