In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
