Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
