I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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