why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Randomize
