Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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