if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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