Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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