You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
worst night to have a conscience
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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