it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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