Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
