ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
