Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
