Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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