It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
