Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
