im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
