im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
