Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
