the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
