6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
