Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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