you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
