So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
not ubering you a puppy
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
