i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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