Sponge bath it is.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
