There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
