i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
