Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
