He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
