Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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