I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
