I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Edward fifth and chaser hands
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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