Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize
