a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
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