Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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