I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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